Person of the year

Time magazine chose Mrs Merkel, but I don’t agree.

Choosing the person of the year can be a difficult task. The problem being that we only know about people who are in the public eye. We don’t know about some clever bugger in the back of Taihape who has found a way to boil an egg with just his buttocks. Or some saintly soul in the city whose welcome bosom dries orphans’ tears. No, we are bombarded throughout the year by shiny politicians, sculpted sportspeople, and celebrities with exploding lips, boobs and bottoms.

While we should discount politicians for any award on account of their propensity for self promotion, and celebs are out because they are cosmetic surgery deniers, my pick for this year does fall into the sports category. A bit disappointing I know, given our unadulterated hero worship adorned on young men and women who do nothing more than chase a ball around for their own fun-ness.

However, hear me out.

While my choice may seem clichéd and obvious, it is not based on his (yes it’s a bloke) sporting achievement. Rather, it is based on his reaction to it.
I am talking about Steve Hansen. Coach of the All Blacks and as it turns out, a man more cunning than a wolf in a fairy tale. Here is why he is my person of the year (Steve Hansen, not the wolf).

Back in nineteen hundred and eighty five when I was a young impressionable chap, I watched an interview with Barry Crump who had become rich and famous thanks in part, to a Toyota Hilux advertisement whereby ‘Crumpy’ scares his passenger ‘Scotty’ shitless by driving like… well driving like Barry Crump.
Barry was asked what life was like now that he was rich and famous. Barry’s reply, which I have never forgotten, was “there’s no need to get carried away”.

Barry’s reply impressed me because it represented the one identifiable quality that I think best represents us as New Zealanders. An understated humility.

This dour self deprecating trait is often criticised, even mocked by others as we are accused of lacking emotion. In the mid 1970’s Gordon McLauchlan even wrote a book about it called the Passionless People. According to Gordon we are a bunch of smug zombies who won’t get off our butts to “feel strongly about things that should matter to them more.” I’m not really sure what Gordan wants from us. Should we be protesting in the streets because its too sunny, or there is too much open space and quietness around? I mean, I’m really happy to get upset about something, but what?

I think the Passionless People actually misses the point so clearly articulated by Barry Crump. There’s never any reason to get carried away because nothing really matters. It’s all about perspective. Justin Bieber may think he’s awesome but of course we all know he isn’t. It seems pretty obvious doesn’t it. The Flight of the Concords was so popular in the US because Germaine and Brett were so unlike anything they had ever seen. No hyperbole, no purple language, no witty quips. Just deadpan ally.

So with all due respect to Angela Merkel, who cooks dinner for her husband every night, while teaching Germans how to be nice, I think we can all learn much from Steve Hansen. He may be gruff, inarticulate, scruffy, and speak with an accent that would make a BBC announcer wince, but he represents the very best of us. When faced with adversity, fame or fortune, nothing changes – no need to get carried away.

Richard Alexander Bain
self confessed man of the hour