Will Changing Your Diet Make You Live Longer?

Welcome to Bonsai – the latest of my new miniature opinion pieces.

A comparison of countries is revealing

I recently walked into the supermarket and was overwhelmed by the quantity of available food. Shelves groan with the weight of everything imaginable. Yet, as a fifty something year old male, I am not allowed to eat any of it. I have to ignore the row of confectionary, dodge the bakery, scoot past the dairy bar, and avert my eyes from the canned goods.
Consequently I slumped my way to the vege aisle, selecting broccoli, broccoli, and broccoli. A sliver of fish was wrapped for me and I trudged to the checkout, envious of others laden with white bread and sausages.

But, am I virtuous, or, am I a merely misguided?

Because I want to live forever, it is worthwhile checking out a few facts on how to achieve such immorality. On a recent visit to England, I couldn’t help notice the popularity of pies, chips are beer. I then went over to Paris and noticed nothing but salads, wine and cigarettes.

This got me thinking. How come Poms don’t all die in their forties? Their arteries clogged like a Roman sewer. After all, the weather is too crappy to exercise and they eat as though there is still a war on. Surely their fixation with hot beverages chased by pints of lager and packets of crisps must lead to massed early graves?

A quick search of life expectancy figures is interesting:

If you are a woman living in Britain you can expect to live until you are 81 years old.
If you are a woman living in France you can expect to live until you are 82.3 years old.
If you are a woman living in Italy you can expect to live until you are 83.1 years old.
If you are a woman living in Japan you can expect to live until you are 84.6 years old

So, on the face of it, if you live in Italy you will die a mere 2.1 years longer than if you live in Britain. In France, and you will only live 1.3 years longer.

A lifetime of salad, veges and a morsel of viande gives you a measly additional 2 years – and you have to speak French! Meanwhile, the poms are tucking into chip laced beer with gay abandon only to die a year or so earlier. Turning Japanese will buy you an extra 3 ½ years but you have to live on rice, fish, and portions smaller than a weasel’s wedding tackle.

I reckon I’m a mug. Maybe I should just eat what I like and die a year or so earlier.
Dead but with a full tummy!

Richard Alexander Bain