Who To Vote For?

Welcome to Bonsai – the first of my new miniature opinion pieces.

Who to Vote for in the upcoming election?
The general election is only two weeks away so its decision time.  Some say it’s an important decision, but personally I am more worried about rust in the Subaru.

However I will vote, but who for?  Here is my objective unbiased opinion on the matter.
I have not actually read any of the parties’ actual policies, preferring instead to listen to what commentators say.  My conclusions are as follows:

If you are a farmer you have to vote for National.  Your world will not change.

If you work in a supermarket you have to vote for Labour because they will give you another $2 an hour.

If you want to swim in a river you have to vote for the Greens because neither Labour nor National will actually make farmers use less fertiliser.

If you are old and like free coffee at McDonalds you have to vote for Winston.

If you think that Ronald Reagan was the best thing since communism then you have to vote for Act because they have pinched all of Ronnie’s’ speeches.

If you think that Hone Harawira is has sold out for beads and blankets then you have to vote for the Maori Party.

If you smack your kids you will have to vote for the Conservatives because they will come round and lend you a hand (a backhand).

If you are fat and German then you will have to vote for the Internet Mana party because they will be your friend (until you run out of money).

Helpful? Hmmm I thought not.  How about this;

Vote for National if your wear a lot of pale blue shirts.

Vote for Labour if you don’t like rich people.

Vote for the Greens if you don’t care about not drinking fizzy drink.

Vote for Winston if you are as short as he is.

Vote for Act if you reminisce about the 80’s.

Vote for the Maori party if you call your friends ‘bro’.

Vote for the Conservatives if your kids piss you off.

Vote for Internet Mana if you think Germany should have won the war.

Good luck for whoever you go with.  Remember the old adage “You get what you deserve”.

Richard Alexander Bain