American Pie

America – where everything is big

If you want to make a fortune, sell meat pies to America. A cursory survey of American cuisine, as experienced first hand, (I also used my mouth) is that the meat pie would fit into American culinary tastes like a succulent pea into a pod. Pull off from any road into a strip mall and you have a staggering array of choices that range from the unhealthy to ‘death is only minutes away’. Convenience and size are everything, and I can see the fully self contained delicious meat pie fitting nicely into this scene. Actually, the lack of pies in the USA is really one of life’s surprises.  

However, before you set out on my sure fire winner, take a moment to consider whether you like Americans. If you do, as I do, then you may wish to cancel the pie making machine. The problem is that if Americans are introduced to pies, it will kill them. 

You see, America has an obesity problem. Of course they are not the only ones, but they do seem to be leading the charge. According to people who measure these things (I presume they use tape measures), it is estimated that 35% of Americans are overweight. That’s a third. Men are the worst. 75% of men are considered overweight. That’s 3 out of 4!  

So while in the US, the charming and trim Mrs Bain and I thought we would undertake our own unscientific study on the matter to see for ourselves what the problem is. Our survey methodology was to walk around and look at people, and we undertook three study areas – Las Vegas, Orlando SeaWorld and San Francisco. 

The executive summary of our study is as follows. Everyone in Las Vegas was overweight bordering on obese. At SeaWorld the killer whales were slimmer than the average visitor, and in San Francisco most people were trim and obesity was rare. 

When we looked closer at our study areas we were able to ascertain some broad completely unsubstantiated reasons for our observations. Let’s start with the good news – San Francisco. Based on the city’s high gay population, we concluded that these boys, and girls, know how to take care of themselves. Skinny buttock hugging jeans and neatly trimmed biceps the order of the day. Add to the mix the relatively young age of city dwellers, we think that San Francisco is possibly a hotbed of liberal educated thinness. 

Las Vegas and Orlando SeaWorld were a different kettle of fish. I think it’s fair to say that the number of obviously overweight people came as a shock. At this point I need to make it clear that neither Mrs Bain or I are fattists. Being overweight is not a slight on one’s character and we cast no judgement on individuals. However, based on our observations we think the causes of America obesity are pretty obvious.  

Let me explain. 

America is the world’s biggest economy. As such, America has an ability to produce a massive amount of stuff when it wants to. The Japanese found this out after bombing Pearl Harbour. They thought that if they wiped out the pacific fleet the world would be their oyster, as they assumed it would take years for the American Navy to recover. But, the Japanese underestimated America’s ability to produce stuff. 

Since the war, America has dedicated itself to producing stuff for consumers. Lots of stuff. TV’s, fridges, clothes, houses, cars, computers, and ……food. Lots and lots of food. It produces it at an agribusiness scale and it produces it cheaply. There is so much to eat in America you literally don’t know where it start (this is where the buffet is particularly daunting – at least with à la carte you are told where to start). Fast food chains line the highways offering portion sizes bigger than a suitcase, and you don’t even have to leave your car. Las Vegas has more buffets than a gamblers twitch, and as part of our SeaWorld ticket we were able to eat as much as we wanted all day, so we did – see the problem?

In short, food in America is too plentiful and too cheap. But, I hear you say, surely it’s a case of the wrong food rather than just quantity? Yes that’s true. By our observations there is plenty of good quantity food and most places helpfully labeled food with its calorific value. But to make healthy eating choices within an ocean stuffed with carbohydrate laden alternatives is unrealistic. If there is food to be had, we will eat it. The sheer weight of the food choices and portion sizes just wears you down, and before you know it you are chowing down like a Labrador on a birthday cake. 

Americans are faced with tough eating choices. If you are poor, those choices are even tougher. Until the system can provide healthy food at unhealthy food prices, then I’m afraid the American waistline will continue to expand like doughnut mix hitting hot oil.

Richard Alexander Bain
self confessed pie-man