Predictions for 2015
Things that will happen this year.
I think I may be psychic. I just seem to be able to know whats going to happen. For example, when I walk my dog and we go past the house with the immaculate lawn, I just know that Rover is going to wander nonchalantly into the middle, spin three times, look up with innocent doggy eyes, then take a massive dump.
Likewise when I watch the NZ cricket team coming into bat with only a few runs required for an easy victory, I just know what is going to happen.
So, secure in the knowledge of my predictive powers I can foresee a number of things for the year ahead. These predictions pertain to New Plymouth, my home town, as my psychic abilities do seem to wain with distance. I presume this has something to do with the size of my brain.
Anyway, here we go:
The Len Lye Centre in New Plymouth will be a roaring success. The architecture will be lauded and will win a national award. The architecture community will go ‘hurrah!’. A band will play at the opening and visitor numbers throughout the year will exceed expectations. The Len Lye Foundation will shout ” hurrah we told you so”. The ‘art is for elitist wankers’ crowd will continue to moan and pout – drawing parallels between the Len Lye building and the titanic. There will be an operational cost overrun by years end and the anti crowd will shout ‘hurrah’!
The widening of Northgate will alleviate traffic congestion in and out of Northgate. Workers and residents of Bell block will shout ‘hurrah’. Announcements will be made about more shops to be built at the Valley and the council will announce a building boom. Developers and council will shout ‘hurrah’. The city’s CBD will then slowly die and people will wonder why. The new road that appeared to save us all seems to have created a vacuum in the city. Two dollar shops and nail beauty boutiques will shout ‘hurrah’.
The New Plymouth District Council will sack lots of staff. In order to be seen to be saving money in the guise of improving the organisation, many good employees will be made redundant and the ratepayer lobby will clap with glee and shout ‘hurrah’. Institutional memory will be lost and rates won’t go down. A new ultra positive politician will emerge and commercial property owners will shout ‘hurrah’.
The New Plymouth Operatic’s production of Mama Mia will sell out as gangs of middle age women flock to relive the disco beat of the 80’s. They will dance in the aisles and the producers will shout ‘hurrah’ while announcing a modest profit. Those groovers in the audience will be disbelieving when I tell them that the fabulous Lynne and I were in the cast, having only had eyes for the young and talented (no offence Mrs Bain). After the show we will relax in the afterglow of a job well done and shout ‘hurrah’!
So there have it. Four meaty predictions for New Plymouth over the following year. I see a positive year ahead and I really hope I’m wrong about Northgate. On the personal front, I predict that Mrs Bain will continue to be fabulous but I will continue to eat too many pies.
Richard A. Bain
self confessed sighkick