Christmas Special

Christmas, the day we wish away.

After 54 years, last year I experienced my first ever northern hemisphere Christmas. Being married to a Pom, I was constantly told that Christmas in New Zealand was weird, no snow, no open fires, no cosy jumpers, no darkness at 3pm. I was therefore intrigued to see what all the fuss was about when I awoke to Christmas Day in England.

Firstly, there was no snow. There was however, lots of water. It hadn’t stopped raining for 6 weeks and the rivers were flooded up to our armpits. This meant that there was no electricity. There was also no open fire because England is the first world so why burn coal when you can have clean electricity? Needless to say we were cold and starving. I was really starting to see what Mrs Bain meant when she said a NZ Christmas was so different from back home.

Presumably because of all the tea towels in the house saying Keep Calm and Carry On, we carried on. We opened presents, we ate cold food, we drank cold wine, we slept where we sat, we had a great time. That night the power came back on just in time for us to watch the Queens speech and a gay Irishman tipping people out of a red chair.

The next morning I reminisced about Christmas in NZ. My childhood festive seasons were at Castlepoint where we woke to the gentle sound of the sea and Santa turning up who looked remarkably like my father (my father was nowhere to be seen, he had gone off to collect Santa). Santa then started snogging my mother which was rather upsetting, that is until he started handing out presents at which point it was ‘snog all you want Santa’.

Back to England.

Now heres the big difference between us and the mothership.
In England, Christmas day is a big day, but, its just one day. Once its over its a couple of days of watching the drizzle then its back to work. Summer is somewhere sometime next year. In New Zealand, Christmas Day is just the entrée. Christmas Day is tasty and delicious, but the main course is still to come. The summer holidays start tomorrow. Consequently, as soon as dinner is over, the grandparents are wheeled back to the rest home and the Christmas tree is thrown over the back fence. Boxing Day arrives and it’s out with the factor 50, on with new speedos and away we go, Christmas Day a distant memory.

So that’s the big difference between an English Christmas and ours. It’s not drinking too much eggnog then trying to roast your chestnuts over an open fire. It’s that an English Christmas is one day only and that makes it special. Like an only child.

Next year I’d like to try an Australian Christmas. From what I hear it’s all about cooking dead animals and yelling at kids. Can’t wait.

Merry Xmas

Richard Alexander Bain
self confessed santa