City Planners Are Like Your Mother
We hear much about Big Brother, but what about your Mother?
Urban myths are tantalising – especially the ‘Oh My God’ ones like Kentucky Fried rats or that a tooth will dissolve if you leave it in Coca Cola overnight. Then there is the famous and pervasive man not landing on the moon. Did you know that 24 men (yes they were all men) have been to the moon and that 12 of them bounced around on it? The thing that convinces me that there is no fakery in the landings is that there is no way in hell you could get 24 people to keep a secret. We all knew Lady Di was bulimic before her head hit the toilet bowl.
Out there in the land of the disgruntled ratepayer there exists another persistent, consistent, preposterous myth. And that myth? – That councils don’t listen to ratepayers! Tune into talkback radio or read you local newspaper and you will get the impression that councils are self serving empires determined to bankrupt shops and throw old ladies from their humble homes. When a council wants to build a new museum, or even worse, a new council building, Darth Vader’s Death Star is seen as modest, such is the public vitriol at the cost.
Furthermore, a council officer’s sole professional purpose is perceived to be as obstructive as possible to an unsuspecting public. The term Big Brother is splattered about like baby puke on a blanket.
Having spent over 20 years dealing with councils I feel a need for some balance here. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a council apologist. I get pissed off with councils too, but my gripe is that they pay far too much attention to noisy ratepayers – they listen too much. The effort and energy that goes into pacifying the moaning Minnie is really quite remarkable. Ask and you will receive. I have seen trees felled, streams piped, and roads widened just because it’s what the public have demanded. Professional opinion to the contrary was ignored like a vegetable platter at a barbecue.
Which brings me to those most evil of council employees – planners. Hated like flies on a ham. If only they would go away we could gorge ourselves and get as fat as a cat.
Now as it happens I have a lot to do with these wordy souls. On the face of it they live on the other side of the fence from me. They all policy, process and rules, me all ‘design outcome’. However, we share more than meets the eye.
Planners are far more like our mother than Big Brother. Older brothers treat us with indifference but then beat the crap out of us when we poke our heads into their room. Mothers on the other hand, touch us gently on the shoulder and tell us what to do. Yes, occasionally they grab our ear lobe and drag us down to the police station to confess our sins but that is rare and we are always forgiven.
This is how planners are. They are on our side and love us like a simple child.
They tell us what to do while gently patting our bottom as we leave – reassuring us that life is a journey. “No” is rarely used, instead it’s a “are you sure you want to do that? I’m not saying you can’t but….”
Planners may be many things, but one thing they are not is dictatorial or arrogant. Ego is the preserve of design professionals. Design 101’s subtext is ” we as designers know best”. Planners leave personal opinion at the door, earnestly deferring to policy and public. Working for the people. This is what makes planners so loveable. Their faith in consensus. They would say yes to everybody if it were not for the competing views of others, they are sticking up for the little guy, just like your mum – “don’t bully those other kids Jamie – play fair.”
It is very fashionable to denigrate, criticise, and lambaste planners. Just ask any developer, or high rise hotelier. However, like lawyers, we wouldn’t need them if people just behaved with decency. But life’s just not like that.
So next time you deal with a council planner, remember your mother. Be nice and she will give you another biscuit, “Just don’t tell your brothers and sisters cos they will want one too”.
Richard Alexander Bain
self-confessed council observer